The heartache

I've experienced a lot of heartache since that cold December morning a year ago. I have had ups and downs, in all aspects of my life.

I've had ups and downs with my tarnished man.

I've had ups and downs with the church.

But mostly I've had ups and downs about my guilt.

I miss going to church. That is the BIGGEST heartache I could ever want to experience. Without the church I am lost, wandering in the wilderness wondering where to go. I don't think any other heartache could equal what it is like to be "lost". As much as I would not want to lose a child, or a very close loved one, the loss of church is almost worse.

I think going back to church would be easier (not easy) if I didn't have the guilt I have currently resting upon my shoulders of what I have done.