Looking Good

I know I said I would write about my experience of taking the sacrament for the first time, but stuff happened.

I guess I was expecting some magical moment to take over as soon as the bread touched my lips, but it didn't. Nothing happened. At all.

When I talked to Bishop for the first time, it was the most wonderful feeling I had felt in a LONG time. So I think I was expecting that experience again, only greater.

I was kind of dissappointed, which is why I didn't write.

Then the next weekend I went home for a nice weekend to spend with my family. I was surprised by how many people said how good I looked, members and non-members alike. My family expressed their gratitude in spending time with the "old" me.

It was during this visit I realized things have changed a lot. A lot. I know I was wanting something, but I realized I didn't need anything. I've already experienced the change I need. Now, I just need to keep moving forward and improving.

I've been doing well, and I've realized the more I keep reading my scriptures, and make an effort with my prayers, the better I feel and the better my attitude is.

I was reading a previous post of mine, and I said that I wanted to at least be attending church by March.



How wonderful is this? I accomplished my goal. And more than that, I not only am attending church, but I am again partaking of the sacrament.



I think my "baby steps" have been HUGE leaps and bounds.

A Deeper Hunger

A couple of weeks ago, when I was still getting my footing, I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting, and the Sacrament was being passed. As I passed the Sacrament to those sitting next to me, I experienced a deep sincere hunger. Having actually eaten breakfast that morning, I knew it was a deeper hunger. I was hungering for the Sacrament, for the ability to continue to be cleansed, to draw even closer to my Savior.

May my hunger be satisfied this Sunday.

Baby Step #3

I met with Bishop last night.

He is so funny.

I had been thinking for a while about when I needed to go back and talk with him. I had been asking Heavenly Father to let me know when. I never was told "On this day, meet with Bishop."

I had told myself the next Sunday I had off was my "sign". Well, it was my second Sunday I've had off. I debated for a while. I've been praying earnestly to my Heavenly Father the last few days to know when. I went to church yesterday, asking. I never got a clear answer.

I decided to go ahead and set up an appointment. I told myself, the worst that's going to happen is Bishop will tell you he feels you aren't ready. That scared me. I guess that's what affirmed I knew I was ready to go back. If I was scared of someone telling me no, that meant I felt in my heart I was.

Bishop said I was more than ready. He was grateful I set up the appointment. He was delighted in my changes. He said last time we met I was sad, there was such a deep dejection in my attitude and my demeanor that wasn't there last night. He said my countenance is bright and vibrant. He told me he could feel happiness radiating from me.

I'm glad. I had a moment yesterday. Just a brief one. I saw a picture of TAM that made me cry. But when I started to cry, I went to my bedside and knelt. I prayed to my Heavenly Father to make it stop hurting. To help me.

I guess He has. He has made my pathway back to Him so easy and so clear. I don't know how I ever got lost before.

I'm scared though. I haven't taken the sacrament for almost 2 years. When I sporadically went to church, I knew I couldn't do it.

So now, next Sunday, FAST sunday, I can. I get to partake of the sacrament and renew my covenants with my Savior. How great is that? I am scared and happy and nervous.

I will give a full report on my experience. (My fast, my partaking of sacrament, and my first testimony shared in 2 years.) I'm ready.