Grief

I was thinking about the stages of grief that everyone goes through. We all go through them differently and for different things.

But I realized with my breakup with TAM, that I am also experiencing stages of grief.

I lost my best friend. Granted, he was an earthly friend, and not the best friend one could ask for, but he was mine.

I was okay for a while. But recently, I've really started to miss him. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, because I don't know if I will ever be happy again. I mean, I'm happy, I really am. But there are days when I just want to call him up, like I used to. Excitedly tell him my good news. Or vent my bad.

I wish it wasn't this way. I wish that things had gone differently. I think about specific moments that I will always cherish and it tears my heart in half. I hate feeling this way, but I do.

I know this is only a moment in time. And only recently, have I been reminded that my Savior is carrying me through this time, and he has already felt this pain and heartache that I'm experiencing. That knowledge makes what I'm feeling really bitter-sweet.

How grateful I am that I can partake of the fruit of the atonement, to know that this is just a small, but needed, moment.

On the upside, there are only good things to come. The "depression stage" of grief is the lowest point one experiences.

I am anxious for the day when I think of TAM less, and will have other things to focus my energy on.