An Experiment

I know this is bad, but I just had to do it, for me.

Last week sucked. It really did. I cried all the time. I was missing TAM after realizing it had been a month since we had spoken, and he didn't even care. I was stressed out and tired from work and school, and trying so hard to remember my Heavenly Father again, and to remind myself that I'm a daughter of God. I forget that a lot now.

I thought after I asked my friend for a blessing, I would be at peace, even if things didn't get easier, I would be shown a pathway and would be able to keep my head above water. I wasn't. I mean I heard the things I needed to hear from my Heavenly Father, but I wasn't doing okay. At all.

I didn't know what to do. I went to church on Sunday an hour late and angry. I have been feeling such animosity for everyone around me. Everyone made me angry, and everyone was iritating. I started to think about that. If everyone was acting that way to me, maybe it wasn't them; maybe it was me.

What a horrible thought.

Then I had another realization. I hadn't been taking Bishop's advice. I mean I was, but not consistently. I couldn't really think back on the week, due to my haziness and my tears, but I started wondering how much the two corresponded.

So Sunday, I read my scriptures and I asked my Heavenly Father for two things. To forgive my ignorance. And to help me to be at peace. I asked Him to bless me, to help me at work, and in school.

And guess what, Monday was great! I woke up singing "Clay in His Hands" by Jessie Clark. I literally woke up singing. I don't sing, but this song puts my heart at peace, and these lyrics were the first thoughts of my day. Pretty great.

So being the pessimest that I am, I had to test God. You would think I would have learned my lesson, considering, well you know, but no. I had to see.

So last night I didn't read my scriptures, and I didn't pray, and today was horrible. I woke up when I was supposed to be at a meeting, and therefore showed up late for the meeting, wasn't able to focus, felt tired all day, and didn't get anything done I needed to.

I could sit here and tell you it was just a coincidence, but there is no such thing as a coincidence when you have a testimony of God and His Son, so I know the events that transpired today were not a coincidence, but a realization, that those two simple things are what make my day either good or bad.

I think I needed that confirmation from my Heavenly Father. I needed to know that I'm doing the right thing, and that I'm on the right path.

So now, (like when I used to have the Lord close to my heart)
I will:
"be still and know that I am God" -Psalms 46:10