Oh! The Love of My Heavenly Father

I have been having a hard week this week. WAY HARD.

After my meeting with the bishop on Tuesday, I felt at peace. On Wednesday, I felt turmoil and anger. I was full of contempt. I started questioning my Bishop’s counsel. I wanted more punishment; I felt like I deserved more.

I started feeling like the people of Moses, with the serpent on the staff, that if the people would just look, they would live. Maybe our repentance isn’t as hard as we think it’s going to be, but we’re counseled to refrain from sinning to begin with.

Wednesday was bad. Thursday was worse. I finally lost everything I had kept together so well inside of me. All the pieces came streaming out, broken and sharp.

But Heavenly Father is looking out for me. He really is. He came to my aide in the form of a forgotten friend. A friend (one of MANY) I alienated myself from after I started dating TAM. She called, and we went to get ice cream at 11:00 at night. We talked, and I vented. I told her about the contention I’ve felt towards my roommates, my hatred for them. I explained my absence from church. I told her about TAM—the rest of the story she didn’t already know. I talked and she listened.

The next morning (after returning home at 3:00 am) I realized I couldn’t do it alone any more. I was physically tired, I was struggling understanding my bishop’s counsel, and my heart was aching.

I called a friend from my better days. He has always cared for me, even in times when I didn’t.
He is the definition of a true friend, always striving to do better. I asked him for a blessing.

Let me take a side note. This man is always wanting to help. He is overjoyed when a member asks him to be a mouthpiece for God. He feels Heavenly Father’s love for His children, and wants them to know of that love. I have never been exempt from it. I never grew up with an understanding of a priesthood blessing. I didn’t receive one until I was 17, from a wonderful mentor in the ward. I received two since. One, my good friend he offered one to me. How grateful I am for him.

So tonight, my friend came and gave me a blessing. He doesn’t know much about my relationship with TAM. He doesn’t know the whole story of my life that has taken place, again for my alienation that I brought upon myself. But he willingly, and excitedly offered to come.

I know that My Heavenly Father is mindful of me. I know this because of the things that my friend said. He talked about my recent attendance of church, and how Heavenly Father is proud of me for making my decisions to return and to once again partake of the sacrament, despite the trials I’ve been through. He also said something that surprised me, he said I'm going to use this experience to start teaching others, and that it has a divine purpose.

I wish I could recall more. There was so much said, that just reassured me of my decisions, but so quickly after the blessing is said, I start to forget it. The veil is only lifted for a short time I guess.

Thank you my dear, dear long lost friend, for reminding me of that love, and reassuring me of that love that I sometimes refuse to see.

How blessed we are as members of this gospel to be able to recieve priesthood blessings.