Step #2 Continued

I met with my bishop tonight, and it reaffirmed my belief that men of that nature truly are called of God.

He was so kind and sincere and loving. We met for about 45 minutes or so, and I'm pretty sure he had 2 other appointments after me, but he still met with me and just kept asking questions about me and about my past in the church, out of the church, and what I want to do with my life. I struggled; I tried "confessing" my sins a few times, but I would neglect to say the important aspects of the sentence, but Bishop caught on.

He was so sweet too, he asked if he could ask me questions, because I didn't want to describe to him the relations I had with my TAM. His word: describe. I thought how do you describe something like that? So he asked me, and all I had to say was a simple yes or no depending on the question.

He was so sweet, and so much like a father-figure. He told me the actions I need to take at this point are to refrain from taking the sacrament, which I have been anyway, because I have felt so guilty to even try. He also told me to, in the next few weeks, reestablish my relationship with my Heavenly Father and he wanted me to read my scriptures and to pray.

He also told me something that was kind of interesting to me; he said: I think you've beat yourself up enough, that the guilt is there, and the comittment to not repeat this sin is great. Our Heavenly Father is a loving one, and once you're done with this repentance process, He will no longer remember your sins, but you will, to remind you to never do it again.

I was really greatful for him. I'm so glad that Heavenly Father has heard my unspoken prayers, and has made my way back to Him clear.

After I left my bishop's office I felt so at peace, and I truly felt as if a burden had been lifted. I honestly felt as if I was no longer carrying the world on my shoulders. I've made a lot of progress just in the last week or two, which means I really need to be careful now, because Satan uses the vulnerability I'm feeling to come in and attack me once more. I can't let him. I don't ever want to feel what I've felt over the past year, ever again.

So what Bishop and I have decided: I need to pray earnestly to my Heavenly Father to create a closer relationship with Him. I also need to read my scriptures daily, especially from the Book of Mormon. I am also to refrain from taking the sacrament for a few weeks, and I will meet with Bishop again in 4-6 weeks (depending upon how I'm feeling) and go from there.

Completion of Step #2

The truth is, when I decided to create this blog, I thought my process back was going to
be so difficult, that I didn't know how or if I was ever going to be able to return to the gospel. My desire is there, however, and I think that is what is making the biggest difference right now. My desire to return to my Heavenly Father is Great, and because of that desire, I am not allowing anything to get in my way.

This I contribute to my Patriarchal blessing. In it I am told that I am blessed with:
"health and safety and protection, both physical and spiritual, that [I] might grow in the gospel unhampered by physical ailment or spiritual conflict."

I kind of think Satan is a spiritual conflict, and he was able to overcome me a year ago, because I was not holding up my end of the deal and promises I made with my Savior.

But my steps now are in the right direction.